I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
