I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
