Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
