My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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