I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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