i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
