Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
