Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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