Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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