I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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