I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
