I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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