my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
