Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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