I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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