the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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