Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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