I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
