i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
