It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
