Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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