Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
