Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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