Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
FUCK WHALES
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
