Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
