I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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