One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i was born a porn star she said
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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