people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
