I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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