I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
