Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
