scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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