do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
