I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
