Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
