Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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