Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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