Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
