We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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