who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
