I wannas sexs uuuuu
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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