CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
