I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
