When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
