who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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