I bet he comes in French.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
