in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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