I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
