after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
