Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
