are you still at the devil's house?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
